Socially Awkward

Burning Down The Box

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Fattening of America (Pumpkin Pie Toaster Streudel)

In my quest to make this Tumblr more original and varied I am introducing a segment on a subject near and dear to me, Junk Food. Each week I will find some edible that defies logic or sanity. In general it’s snack stuff that takes something you know and Frankenstein’s it into something that could be awesome or awful. A good bet is seasonal editions of items or limited run stuff. This week I started with the most important meal of the day, Breakfast. I went to the freezer section and found these…



Pillsbury’s Toaster Streudel in Pumpkin Pie Flavor, because nothing says summer like Pumpkin Pie. Especially here in Florida where the seasons are “Hot”, “Hot and Humid” and those glorious few weeks I call “Tolerable”. I love Pumpkin Pie and Thanksgiving so I thought this was a perfect specimen for this feature.



What you see is what comes inside the box, Six Streudel’s and Six Icing packs with narrow tips so you pretend you’re a Streudel Boss. I popped Two in the toaster and did my best to follow the cooking instructions which recommend a low toaster setting and “One to Two Cycles”.



A little burnt on the corner but otherwise pretty good for only One cycle on a medium setting. Now it was time to spread the sweetness.



On the right is my first attempt at an icing pentagram. Googled “Pentagram” for a pic and still effed it up, oh well. The pastry on the left is my attempt at Satan which, upon further glance, looks like Beaker from the Muppets giving me the Raspberry.



There you see the guts of the streudel which didn’t look promsing but taste is the key. They were actually a pretty damn good simulate of Pumpkin Pie, albeit the filling was kinda thin and dripped on my hands while I was eating it.

Final Verdict: While you won’t get the scent of Pumpkin Pie wafting through your kitchen, if you’re a diehard fan of the after Turkey treat you will find satisfaction in this. My only regret is that I don’t live in New York where there’s a convenience store chain called Stewart’s. If you’ve never been to a Stewart’s then you should know they sell Eggnog year round there. During the Holiday’s it comes in all sizes but off season they keep it in plastic Pint’s. It would have been the perfect chaser but alas, it is not to be.

Filed under junk food pumpkin pie pillsbury streusel thanksgiving

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New feature coming to Socially Awkward today. It’s the “Fattening of America” which is basically my excuse to eat junk food that I take pictures of and write about to keep this blog more active and filled with original content.

Filed under socially awkward big baby huey junk food

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theyuniversity:

okagami:

marypsue:

Kill the idea that naivety is an unforgivable flaw but cynicism is just wisdom, murder it, chop it up and serve it for dinner, I don’t care, just end this bullshit idea that it’s better to hate than to love and better to rot in miserable bitter resignation than to hope for the best.

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My Soapbox: Love to Be Hated/Idiots Embracing Stereotypes.

Up until a few years ago I loved to watch WWE Wrestling. It was fun watching bigger than life characters do battle for the hearts and minds of the audience. When I first started watching in the early 90’s it was pretty clear who the good guys and bad guys were. Good Guys played to the crowd and loved the kids. They slapped hands, posed and smiled for the camera. The bad guys were pretty easy to spot as they usually insulted the crowd, attacked their opponent from behind, used foreign objects and were generally seen scowling at children rather than embracing them.

It was a reflection of American culture at the time when we just wanted to be loved and bring what we called freedom and democracy to the evil Communist nations and Dictatorships throughout the world. Just like the WWE, sometimes those nations we were once friends with, would turn their backs on us and factions of their people would attack our soldiers and civilians living abroad.

We soon discovered we had our own enemies here at home as the smiling, God fearing preachers who were on the television asking for your donations, were engaging in sins of the flesh, drug abuse and using those donations for selfish purposes. The people who promised us a rich and famous lifestyle were scam artists, pyramid schemers and exposed for the empty promises they could never fulfill. By the time we had reached 1993 we had enough of the social and economic conservatism that had dragged our country into a recession. We stopped worrying about moral platitudes and simply looked at the people who would give us the best solutions to our broken nation.

We didn’t worry about their fashion sense or their religious affiliations. We wanted real talk from real people. By the end of the decade we had seen a cultural shift from the “Suit and Tie Guy” who made big promises to “Jeans and T-Shirt” guy who made big progress. Our heroes weren’t as readily identifiable anymore. Box Office gold was made with movies like “Reality Bites” and “The Crow”. Our Rock Gods went from looking like an explosion at the Spandex and Make-Up factory to the person you would have thrown a quarter into a guitar case for in Grand Central Terminal.

The new millennium brought back some of those 80’s Conservative Politics with a 90’s attitude for what people thought of it. It’s where the idea of “Loving to be Hated” began. Unlike the 80’s when being crude and controversial got you a niche, cult following, it was all the rage on both sides of the political spectrum in the 2000’s.

It started right after 9/11 when everyone wrapped themselves up in the American Flag and gorged on Apple Pie and Hot Dogs. It was a defense mechanism we used to remind ourselves we we’re still a great country. It also became an excuse to pass some pretty awful legislation and when a few people started to come out from under their Flag Cave’s and woke up from their Apple Pie Coma’s to call bullshit, the movement began.

On one side you had the unapologetic Redneck’s like Larry The Cable Guy and his Blue Collar schtick. They were the unwashed masses and proud of it. In their view it was OK to make fun of Brown People because if they could laugh at themselves then everyone should. It didn’t matter if the stereotypes they were perpetuating were thinly veiled racism or outdated, it was in the name of Old Glory.

On the opposite end you had the new counterculture movement. It was “No Blood for Oil” and George W. characterized as a Nazi. There was nothing funny about what was going on in the world to them. Idiots were running America and they had to scream louder because being right was equated to the volume with which you spoke. It was shameless patriotism being fought with shameless liberalism.

It wasn’t just the extreme political wings engaging in this either. It was the rise of the gross out comedy movie when “Austin Powers”, “Scary Movie” and National Lampoon were all hot at the box office. Music was all about the angry white man who didn’t get hugged enough when they were kids. Staind, Papa Roach and Korn were topping the Charts. If you were into Frat Metal then Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit and their ensuing knock off’s were right in your wheel house. Television offered us “Jackass” and the previously mentioned WWE was upping it shock game as well with Degeneration-X and it’s porn-tastic Diva lineup.

Hot Topic was the go to clothing outlet for everyone. It had to have skulls, flames or both to be worn. You walked around looking like you just rolled out of bed that morning because we were all about keeping it real. Expressing yourself meant being abrasive and ignorant. You were ready to fight at the drop of a hat because we weren’t going to stand for anything less than pissing off whoever the other side was. It’s pretty safe to say America was going through a douche bag phase and everyone was caught up in it.

All of this Shock Value on both sides came to a head in the late part of the decade when the Housing Market collapse smacked them right in the face. Dominoes of reality started falling which showed how we had spent ourselves into debt. We had spent the last decade keeping it so real that no one wanted to deal with our obnoxious asses anymore. If we weren’t invading a country with our freedom, we were making fun of it because they weren’t all in like we were.

In the last half decade there has been a steady decline in the shameless arrogance that wafted through this country like a rancid cheese fart. It has now manifested itself on the internet through Tumblr’s Social Justice Warrior’s and Facebook groups that declare themselves “Union Thugs” and “Liberal Scum”. On the right there’s the “Take Back America” movement, the mindless anti-Obama stickers which range from ignorant to flat out racist. Maybe it’s just here in Florida but people still love the Rebel Flag and see fit to display it along side the American Flag. It makes as much sense as it would if people in the Ukraine had their own Flag prominently displayed beside the Russian Flag.

I just don’t get it anymore, the proud ignorance and shameless display of political pride we still engage in. It’s people who think that if someone doesn’t hate you, you’re not doing it right. It’s one thing to expect a certain level of push back without changing your message. You have to be confident to take a stand against injustice but what is injustice anymore? I always thought injustice was a group of people being unjustly repressed or persecuted for something that is inherently genetic like race, gender and sexual orientation.

Now injustice amounts to individual, petty annoyances or someone else having an opinion about your shitty opinion. You have people who think any argument can be won by invoking their personal morals as absolute truth. In an argument with a vegan? Chances are they’ll keep running back to some base argument about animals as intelligent beings with emotions. It ignores the fact that plant life has also shown signs of intelligence and emotional response. Arguing about the myth of the persecuted Christian? They’ll ignore the fact that the Constitution was partially based on the Ten Commandments, how almost every U.S President has been Christian or Catholic and how popular culture still uses Christ-Like figures as heroes in movies that gross the most money.

I can’t find the logic in the idea of perpetuating stereotypes or thinking that you need to be hated to be successful. These people act like Redneck’s, advertise their pride in being disliked by an opposing viewpoint and then cry about being discriminated against or being persecuted for their “beliefs”.

It’s not just a political thing either. It’s these people who think they deserve respect just because of who they are. If you’re old and retired you think the world is not supposed to cater to your whims because of your age and ignore the fact they’re partly to blame for the mess we’re in. If you’re Christian then you have the right to impose your beliefs on other people because going to church makes you morally superior. On the other side of that coin, Atheists think their rights are being trampled because in their view only stupid people believe in unseen forces so they can mock the religious since they think they have it coming to them.

Here are the facts. This country has had to grow up and get it’s shit together pretty quick when they saw the economic cliff we were heading toward. They realized that poverty does’t give a crap what God you worship or the color of your skin. When Climate Change was seen as health issue we couldn’t ignore it was because Cancer doesn’t vote Democrat or Republican. Hobby Lobby has people realizing that Women’s problem’s are Men’s problems as well because it takes two people to make a baby. Gun Control is a more pressing issue because the people involved in these mass shootings are as logical as the bullets they fire.

All of this goes back to my WWE analogy at the start of this post. One of things that happened over the course of time was that the good guys and bad guys were not so easily identifiable. It’s the same thing in real life. You would think someone like Lance Armstrong, who had cancer and still won the Tour De France Seven times, would be a man we can all look up to and admire as an athlete and human being. Time and the truth have shown him to we a worthless piece of human garbage who cheated his way to the top and threw anyone who defied his superiority under the bus.

On the other side of that idea are Andrew W.K and Russell Brand. At first glance you see a one hit wonder who lives on a gimmick and a stand up comedian/actor who plays drunk, immature party boys. If you look a little closer you see Andrew W.K is one of the greatest human beings alive who, if we ever discover a secret to immortality, should be the first person to receive the serum. He doles out advice weekly on how to live a better life, be unafraid, stand up to bullies, cope with death and live for today because the party can come to a halt tomorrow.

Brand is more introspective and philosophical. He breaks down the bullshit of the news media and spotlights the absurd, corporate, self serving nature of it all. He speaks at the U.N on poverty and disease in underdeveloped nations and devotes his time not in the spotlight to making the world a better place for everyone, not just those who can afford it.

There really isn’t much black and white in the world, so many shades of gray are to be seen. So why do some people insist on seeing the world in such a narrow view? Why are there people whose only purpose in life seems to be to start shit and say things they either know to be false or are too ignorant to consider another viewpoint? Hate doesn’t motivate them, attention does. When we can learn to remove the spotlight from their world it will grow cold and dead. It’s only when we kill off the poison of their vanity that we can cure the sickness’ that plague us all.

Filed under stereotypes andrew wk russell brand wwe equality lance armstrong

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Since Republican’s in this country have a problem getting things done unless it pertain’s to themselves or their constituency, I recommend a campaign to hereby refer to them as either “Honkey”, “Cracker” or “Knuckle Dragging Neanderthal”.

It will apply to all print, broadcast or internet media outlets which discuss any social or political issues. Maybe when the headlines read

- “All Congressional Honkeys Vote In Favor of cuts to Welfare”

-“Senate Majority Leader, Cracker John Boehener files lawsuit against Obama Administration” and

"Knuckle Dragging Neanderthals in Congress show overwhelming support of Hobby Lobby Supreme Court Decision"

we can finally get them to understand what the term “Politically Correct” is all about.

Filed under republican tea party conservative john boehner politically correct politics kill whitey big baby huey socially awkward

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cracked:

"Last weekend was pretty cool, because my alma mater was the subject of a front-page story in the New York Times. Unfortunately, they got there because they utterly shit the bed at handling a sexual assault case." — JF Sargent
5 Uncomfortable Truths About Rape on College Campuses

#5. Doing the Right Thing Will Hurt the Colleges
Rape reports going up is actually a good thing. Feel free to quote me on that. The reason an increase in rape reports is a sign that things are getting better is because it’s actually getting reported. Sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes in the world, with only 40 percent of cases ever going beyond private conversation, and 1 in 5 women have been sexually assaulted — a number that’s always seemed a little lower than what’s real to me, frankly, but that’s just speaking from anecdotal evidence. So as these reports go up, they’re actually trending toward reflecting the actual amount of sexual assaults that happen. It’s roughly analogous to realizing your home has cockroaches: It’s a painful shock, but at least you now know to buy some bug poison.

Read More

cracked:

"Last weekend was pretty cool, because my alma mater was the subject of a front-page story in the New York Times. Unfortunately, they got there because they utterly shit the bed at handling a sexual assault case." — JF Sargent

5 Uncomfortable Truths About Rape on College Campuses

#5. Doing the Right Thing Will Hurt the Colleges

Rape reports going up is actually a good thing. Feel free to quote me on that. The reason an increase in rape reports is a sign that things are getting better is because it’s actually getting reported. Sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes in the world, with only 40 percent of cases ever going beyond private conversation, and 1 in 5 women have been sexually assaulted — a number that’s always seemed a little lower than what’s real to me, frankly, but that’s just speaking from anecdotal evidence. So as these reports go up, they’re actually trending toward reflecting the actual amount of sexual assaults that happen. It’s roughly analogous to realizing your home has cockroaches: It’s a painful shock, but at least you now know to buy some bug poison.

Read More

Filed under college rape yesallwomen cracked rape